Feeling selfish...

Picture taken from here.

Sooo...this isn't new, necessarily. Recently I received the revelation that I'm selfish, among other things. It's not a good thing either. Lately it's been me, me, me, me. I've made a lot of decision based on how it would make ME feel and what I-I-I wanted and what I thought I-I-I needed...and I've been out of order. That's not to say that we should never take a little time out for ourselves. We all need a reprieve every now and again, but in the grand scheme of things, everything is not always about us. There are others around us who need to be considered. To be completely transparent for a moment, in my home right now I've been almost solely focused on what would make me happy. I'm a married woman and I've only been thinking about how I'm being affected by our current situation. Not once have I asked my husband how he's doing. Not once have I offered to rub his back, hold his hand, nothing...nada. I've only been thinking about how I'm feeling and how I'm affected. THAT, is selfishness at its ugliest and it has no place in ANY relationship, but especially not a marriage. I realize, though, that I'm fighting the wrong the enemy. My husband isn't my enemy. I'm well aware of the enemy at work. Now, I have to focus my attention to God and allow God to fight the actual enemy on my behalf. The thoughts I've been having, the actions they've been producing...none of that has been of God, and if it's not of God then it's of Satan. I rebuke selfishness today. I will not continue to tear down my home when a wise woman would be building it up. This has honestly been an extremely difficult season, but the revelation that has come from it has been nothing short of a blessing; even though I don't like much of what I'm seeing. I'm glad that God is showing me myself so that I can give myself totally to God to remove the ugliness that has been hiding in the dark places of my being. No. More. Selfishness.